They Killed My Daughter Then Treated Me Like a Suspect”: A Father’s Grief Meets a Broken System

When Jim Showman opened the door to two detectives, he expected answers. Instead, he got questions. They wanted to know about his daughter her past, her habits, if she had any history with drugs or mental illness. Only after several cold, clinical minutes did they finally tell him: She’s dead. Police shot her.

“I didn’t even know she was gone,” Showman later said. “And they were already digging through her life like she was on trial.”

Unfortunately, stories like this are not isolated. Across the U.S., when police kill someone, it’s not uncommon for departments to interrogate the grieving before informing them of the death. Experts and civil rights attorneys say it’s a calculated strategy designed not for compassion, but for protection. Protection from lawsuits.

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By questioning the family first, departments quietly gather information that might help justify the shooting later in court. They probe for anything that might suggest instability or wrongdoing in the victim’s past details they can use to shape the narrative long before the public ever hears it.

“You don’t treat a parent like that,” said one former officer who left the force over ethical concerns. “But it’s part of the playbook. Get control of the story early, even if it means manipulating the moment of grief.”

For Jim Showman, the pain didn’t stop with the questions. The report on his daughter painted her as “erratic” and “possibly under the influence” a claim Jim says is untrue. “They killed her, and then they smeared her. And they tried to use me to do it.”

Civil rights groups are now calling for clear national standards in how families are notified after fatal police shootings. They argue the current system not only lacks empathy it weaponizes grief.

Jim, still reeling from the loss, says he’ll keep speaking out. “I didn’t just lose my daughter. I saw how the system is set up to protect itself, not the truth. And people need to know.”

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