In a tearful yet comical press conference, Manchester United officials have finally reconciled with their long-estranged trophy cabinet after nearly a decade of emotional distance.
Club insiders revealed that the trophy cabinet had filed for “emotional abandonment” due to lack of silverware, with their last serious interaction being back in 2017. Since then, the cabinet had reportedly been gathering dust and emotional scars in a storage unit behind Sir Alex Ferguson’s statue.
Speaking through its translator, the trophy cabinet said:
“I thought they forgot about me. I watched Man City and Liverpool add new shelves while I sat here with memories and cobwebs.”
Sources say the peace treaty includes a clause that Man Utd will “at least try to win something meaningful” within the next 12 months even if it’s just a preseason cup or the Carabao.
Meanwhile, club fans are cautiously optimistic.
“We don’t need 20 trophies,” said one emotional fan, “just one… even if it’s made of cardboard.”
United’s next fixture will test the agreement’s strength. The trophy cabinet, however, has already booked therapy.
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